MOTHERHOOD!!!!!
The years have long since gone when I was raising 4 little kids. I do remember the days however, when it seemed not one child could be happy, therefore it created discontent in the Family unit. How, I think back, did I handle these situations? How, I ask, did I command the respect from my Children a Mother needs in order to keep Peace and Harmony? Times were different, children were raised differently. We raised our children the same as we were raised, ever so slightly tweeking it a bit, leaving out the cause and affect that may create memories we did not want our children to be left with. The memories we have been left with, the ones we hoped not to duplicate for our beloved little ones. In all our efforts of doing that I am sure some of our children have memories that are not too pleasant for them. I was the Matriarch of our Family and I feel my children felt this, I spared their Father the dealings of misbehavior, for he worked hard for us and wanted to come home to happy. My children knew just how far they may push me to my limits and testing these at times just to see if they could be in control. I did my best to stay consistent and stand my ground as the Mother. Is this the key word? (CONTROL)
I write this because I am feeling now what my oldest feels daily. I am an outsider looking in on a daily basis seeing first hand todays parenting. The hardship parents put on themselves with the lack of routine, disciplining, and consistency. My oldest and two Grandchildren temporarily live with us. My wake up call every morning is due to someone crying and a Mother trying to quiet them loudly. JOY?
My evenings are filled with parents who come home from a long day barely saying hello to each other or anyone else in the house, they lack conversation and bring back the unhappiness into my home. A home that I am happy in all day alone, hoping to remain happy in the evening. They do not sit with their children for dinner and feed the children what they command to eat to keep the peace. I would like to help but then I am stepping on toes. This may sound like a bitch fest post, and I am sorry for that. I am trying to wrap my brain around such unhappiness and the lack of laughter is beginning to wear on me. How do I??
Todays Child, or at least the 4 and 5 year old in my house right now, has toys aplenty to play with, which they never do, has very little imagination within themselves and lacks parents who try to bring it out of them. What does the future hold when children have what they desire but are not taught to do without or what to do with what they have? This I feel breeds entitlement. What is my role now? I am a Grandmother who wants to love, nurture, and help. I say the wrong things often with looks of displeasure shot my direction. I try, try to bite my tongue and leave situations that occur to be handle by the parents finding someplace to hide. Imagine, stealing yourself away out of sight in your own home to stay happy. What to do? Should I take Control?
What I do for now is remind myself often and the Man does as well, that this is a temporary situation and soon their new home will be built and we will go back to our way of living once again. Two old folks who raised their Children to be the best they desired to be and only they can bring themselves happiness. Often today adult children are moving back home, how do they do it? The parents. Who takes the lead? Do you surrender as the parent of an adult child? Do you try to open their eyes to what you see, offering your wisdom and solutions? For now staying silent is probably the best, for I love my Oldest and would hate for our relationship to be torn apart for she already displays such unhappiness of her own, which tears at my heart. If you were to ask her she would tell you none of this is true, that she is happy and everything is wonderful. It is hard to step outside of yourself and see within when you are in the center of it, without an open mind.
If you could see yourself and your life with another set of eyes not belonging to you, what would your life reveal? I know how I see myself and feel I am as a person but others may see me differently than I would like to be viewed.
I have so many questions about my situation now and very few answers for them come to mind that if said could and possibly would cause a riff between my oldest daughter, her family, and myself.
So in conclusion, the only, and probably right thing to do is bide my time and stay happy from within, as not to alter or compromise myself. The self I view me to be is a loving, kind, generous, caring, happy Mother of adult Children, who did her best. I know deep down inside my oldest is just trying to do her best as well.
Moving forward One Day at a Time
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